The Many Complicated Decisions That Go Into Choosing a Toilet

Wow! There are so many things one must consider in choosing a toilet! Fortunately, as a resident of the Bronx, I’ve discovered that a lot of people are content with just going on the sidewalk.

Butt [1] if you want to go against that trend, then you’re going to want to choose a toilet.

How to Choose a Toilet

I found an excellent article on the topic and I just want to highlight some key points.

First of all, choosing a toilet could be the most important choice you ever make in your life.

Before we break down some of the factors to consider when looking for a toilet, it’s important to consider the significance behind such a choice. 

How to Choose a Toilet

More important than your choice of school, choice of vocation, or even choice of spouse.

The wrong toilet could ruin you!

This could spell your demise!

Toilets come in three main bowl shapes: elongated, round-front, and compact elongated.

How to Choose a Toilet

You thought you’d never use that high school geometry again, but here it is! Confusing shapes that you are trying to get to match your shape!

you need to measure the rough-in size, which is the distance between the wall behind the toilet and the outlet pipe that will connect to your toilet

How to Choose a Toilet

OK. Remember that everything mentioned in that above snippet is a euphamism!

A regular, shorter toilet will work better if you have kids in the family, but if an elderly or impaired individual will be using this toilet often, try to find something like the Comfort Height toilet.

How to Choose a Toilet

Don’t even get me started on the effect of growth hormone on toilets! Why plumbers are pushing this type of thing, I’ll never know. Butt [2] I find their actions deplorable! Short toilets have feelings too!

Additional Considerations

And as good as that reference article is, there are some points it fails to cover. I think the thing that astonishes me about this article is that there is NO mention of toilet color.

For example, imagine what it’s like to rock out on this vintage green toilet:

If I saw this toilet in the middle of a parking lot (or in the woods above)
it would surely be tempting! Bid now on eBay!

As for my personal preferences, I think an important consideration in choosing a toilet is how it feels when you are vomiting. Because that’s when you truly get close with your toilet.

Photo by Sergio Briones on Unsplash

So if you’re looking to choose a toilet, be sure to check out this article on how to choose a toilet.

And if you’re looking to play your very own Game of Porcelain Thrones, be sure to sign up for the email list so you’ll be notified as soon as it is on Kickstarter!


1 I said butt!

2 Oops! I did it again!